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By Denise Ambre
The word sibling is so routinely paired with the word rivalry that
many parents think they're inseparable. While it's true that a certain
amount of competitiveness, usually in the form of jockeying for
attention, is standard among siblings, brothers and sisters help
each other with various aspects of development and, in the long
run, bring out the best in each other rather than the worst.
What's crucial for a good sibling relationship is that, from the
beginning, the parents convey to the older one that they have not
stopped loving him, even though he is no longer their only child
and the object of their total attention. Whenever possible, both
parents, but especially the mother, should try to set aside special
times to be alone with the firstborn and focus entirely on his needs
and feelings
The age of the firstborn will determine his level of understanding
about the newcomer. If he is 18 months old or less, his verbal and
cognitive skills are so undeveloped that he can't understand that
a new baby has come into the family and is here to stay. A two-
year-old however, grasps some of these ideas and will have intense
feelings about the baby—anger, envy, and competitiveness—that
he can't put into words or reason out.
On the positive side, research has shown that because the father
and the firstborn end up spending an increased amount of time together,
a strong bond between the two may begin to develop that can help
compensate for the child’s sense of "losing" his
mother.
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